Is there any meaning in all the things happening around me? Am I supposed to give it any thought that, why a certain thing is happening in the way it happened? I think the answer is yes and no, depending on how you look at it.
The world we live in, Samsara, is an illusion in a way. There is no solidity in events happening around me when I clearly observe them. From a scientific point of view, its all sub atomic particles interacting with each other, changing all the time.
But then, I perceive things very strongly. I am so affected by them. Why? I think the only purpose of a certain event or situation in my life is to learn of its emptiness. Once I understand the emptiness of this Samsara, in my being, I wont perceive things as I perceive them now.
It feels like a tape recorder being played all the time saying “Earth is round. Earth is round.” If I don’t understand the truth, there is use in listening to this tape again and again. But once I understand the fact that earth is round, I don’t need to listen to the tape again. In fact, the tape sound will turn into background noise and I would hardly notice it again.
As such all the events happening around me, are not significant. But they all try to teach me how we perceive the reality in the wrong way. In that way, all the events are very significant to me.
Sitting here, wanting to type something out, to let the creativity speak for itself through me.
I began to start doubting myself, is it gonna be good enough?
May be write it, but am I sure I want to publish it? May be I am wasting others time?
I have no single answers.
Then I asked myself. Does it really matter whether I publish it or not? Does it really matter?
If its not, then what DOES matter?
I feel, what matters is the state of my mind in this moment. Am I doing it totally conscious?
Am I doing it, without even a trace of the ego? Am I doing it to become famous?
Am I doing it to build up my courage, by facing my fears?
My arms shaking a bit, I still typed out everything.
For few moments I prayed, cleared my mind and with utmost mindfulness clicked the publish button.
Let this be added into the great mysteries of universe.
Let it propel whatever it has to propel.
Or let it rest in peace, dying where it was born moments ago.
Now whatever happens, is beyond my understanding.
Recently one of my friend asked me why I don’t drink. He was puzzled at the fact that how I can be normal and have fun without drinking. I assume that he meant how can you be normal without getting high.
I understand his surprise. You sit all day in your room or in your office, spending time on your laptop or doing some work which you don’t like, when your soul is actually looking for some unique experience. The only way out is to get high and forget about the day.
So when he asked what do I do in such a situation, I said “If I was busy with work and had to stay in my room for 2-3 days I feel really irked. Then I either go for some trek, or for some rock climbing. Moving on a rock or hiking on a ridge I get high and just make me forget all the tough days I had. I feel blessed to do it.”
I think everyone can find something like this to get high. I like to call it passion.